Feedback is not an easy thing to ask for, especially if we are asking from a genuine place, with sincere desire to grow, rather than validate or justify a position. I recently asked for feedback from a mentor/coach from my support system that I had worked with in the recent past. It took courage to show up, but I was reminded after our time together, just how beautiful it is, to show our vulnerability and honesty. I think for some people, in some moments, the truth is too painful… I know at times it has been for me. In those moments, we can have empathy and compassion, we can hold our own hearts or their hearts in our hands, with a gentle reminder that “sometimes it is hard to face the truth, but the truth is what sets us free.”
I have made a choice in my life to try my absolute best not to hide from the truth, whatever it may be. It can be a step-by-step process, an unraveling of awareness, to even discover what exactly the truth is, and then it’s another choice entirely to sincerely share. Do I share everything? Of course not. We also need to discern what feels appropriate and safe in a given moment, and what the other person has the capacity to hear and understand. However, we have to begin inside….honesty with ourselves, means honesty with others, and this allows our relationships to travel beneath a surface level.
For deep, intimate relationship, whether it be family, friends or romantic partner, there is nothing more important than sincerity, in my opinion—you can have all the love in the world but it won’t sustain without this foundation. This foundation can include respect, affection and devotion, expressed through actions—like accountability, being congruent with words and actions, repairing if we have made a mistake, coming clean about the past, expressing appreciation, and communicating the positive and meaningful impact of someone in your life.
Sometimes expressing our rich sentiments and emotions can move, touch or inspire another. Rather than constant expectations of receiving what if we actively gave this to others? Going first is an honor. And believe me, it is SUCH a gift when we do receive it, when someone else takes that first step, but even more meaningful when it comes without prompting or expectation.
I’ve been taking an online course around thriving in relationships and communication and it has really helped me deepen my understanding of appreciation, empathy, and communication and how we can meet the needs of others and ourselves at the same time. Empathy isn’t necessarily what we say, it is more a quality of presence. Empathy can be spoken or be silent, and in my opinion and experience is often an energy that comes through the eyes. Without sustained eye contact it feels more difficult for me to give or receive empathy. Empathy is commonly misunderstood as sympathy, fixing, or consoling. When we are truly empathizing, we can connect deeply with another person, we can “see” them and listen, even if we disagree with the person’s perspective. It allows us to show our deep care for the other person without completely taking on their struggles as our own. We can be fully WITH someone without being full OF someone. One of the most powerful quotes about empathy that I ever heard is,
"I never met anyone who, once they got all of the empathy they needed, still wanted revenge or an apology." - Marshall Rosenberg
It is also commonly said in the nonviolent communication model that “empathy heals and honesty brings growth."
Leading a retreat in Costa Rica recently, I was moved by what we all shared together, and how deeply we all need space and time to grow. Simply being surrounded by such natural beauty and kind open hearted people gave us a backdrop to appreciate life, and connection with each other. Great nature made it known that it was ALL there supporting and loving us, holding us in its embrace. The wind, the rain, the animals, the birds, the flowers, the sounds of the rainforest would all speak to us in obvious ways, guiding us, befriending us, encouraging us…everyone noticed this magic being displayed inside and out.
It’s essential to find time to know ourselves in a deeper way, to feel our interwoven and inextricable connection to Great Nature, to understand what’s important in life, and honor our needs and values so we can be truly effective in making a positive impact for ourselves and the world. We all want to contribute in some way, but if our tank is depleted or empty we won’t get very far. Taking time for self care practices, cooking and eating well, reflection, learning, building community through friendship and support is so very vital for our well being, health, lasting contentment, and a purposeful life. I believe it is the true meaning of how to love oneself.
I look forward to connecting soon ❤️
Love for the journey,
Anisha